Irena has been writing her diaries since she was 12 years old. In them, she meticulously documents situations from her life and the emotions that follow. Reading those diaries, she confronts herself and questions different phases of her life from the today’s perspective. She strucks us as an honest, emotional, and creative person who always had big dreams and expectations, a lot of which haven’t been made a reality. This is a film about the split between envisaged, ideal life and reality.
From her diaries, it is obvious that the biggest part in her life have romantic relationships. Throughout the film she tries to understand why she used to idealise men whom with she was in love and why she tried to stay with them, although they were often the source of pain. When she had finally thought she had found the right man and had married him, that relationship ended with a divorce.
Her other big dream is an American dream. Since she was a kid, she has been acting. She hopes that she’ll end up in Hollywood, win an Oscar for the best actress and that her script will be directed by Steven Spielberg. She did come to the USA eventually, but only as a tourist. Currently, she works as a professional clown, writes and publishes dramas which her acting groups perform. However, that is only a small part of her dream, which still exists inside her.
Irena is kind, witty, and always laughing; however, she suffers from depression. Can depression’s root be found in unfulfilled dreams and expectations? Despite many disappointments, Irena still believes in people and dreams.
Although Irena’s story is deeply intimate, it also has a sociological dimension. Irena’s “transition” generation is a victim of confusion deriving from the Homeland War in the nineties. Back then, young people were trying to find and articulate their ideals of happines, often not based in the reality they were living in.